The Ethics of Dating Chang Wufei
by Asuka Kureru
Summary: Asking Heero for advice on how to deal gently with an unwanted suitor? Wufei truly must be desperate. Shonen ai, post EndlessWaltz, COMPLETE.


Genre: humor/romance, oneshot, shonen ai.

Nooo damn it, I was done with this fandom, what's wrong with my muses. D:

* * *

"Mariemeya, you're _fourteen_."

"You were _married_ at fourteen!"

"Not to someone _seven years older_!"

--

"Then of course it degenerated into 'are you calling me immature' and 'I'm not a child' and 'how dare you tell me what I feel is just a silly crush'." Wufei groaned and massaged his temples.

"She's not entirely wrong. She didn't get the luxury of being a child very long either."

Wufei glared nastily at Heero, who sat, totally unperturbed, and kept making little annotations in the margins of Wufei's latest case report.

"That was helpful, Yuy. Really."

Heero shrugged, his nose still in the report. Wufei glanced over his shoulder at the rest of the café, just to check that Heero wasn't the only one being totally indifferent to the fact that an underage girl had propositioned him. Heero wasn't; Wufei didn't know whether to be grateful or annoyed. The matter was more delicate than the other Preventer seemed to realize.

"... Never mind. I don't know what possessed me to think you might have some insight into the situation."

A corner of Heero's mouth tilted up in a fleeting smirk. "I lack your experience with jailbait."

"Don't make me hurt you."

Heero didn't even dignify the empty threat with a response. He picked up his coffee cup and took a sip, eyes still fixed on the sheets of paper in his hand. "The numbers are wrong. Divergence of zero-point-seven percent. I'll check the database to see where the error occurred."

Wufei frowned, and leaned over the table to check what Heero was pointing at. They bowed their heads together over the paper as Heero's finger tapped the wrong numbers. Wufei was good at math, but not by nearly enough to pick up on the discrepancy Heero had found.

"... There's a calculator in your brain, isn't there," Wufei commented, lifting a hand to push Heero's bothersome bangs away.

"Doctor J thought it might come in handy," Heero retorted dryly. Wufei rolled his eyes at him, and sat back down.

The back of his neck prickled with the awareness of a whole roomful of people behind him. Next time, he would get there early, so he could steal the bench against the wall from Yuy. He vaguely thought of shoving Heero in the corner and sitting beside him -- craning his neck to see the paperwork was getting annoying as well -- but while Heero wouldn't care what that looked like, there were enough colleagues coming here on their break that Wufei did.

"So you're not interested in her."

Wufei twitched. "Yuy, for god's sake, she's fourteen -- of course not!"

"If her age is the only deterrent, you could just tell her you'll talk about it when she's eighteen. She's smart enough to understand the legal ramifications." Heero quirked an eyebrow. "She might grow out of it in the meantime."

Heero looked too placid to really get angry, and his tone of voice just too reasonable to take offense. Wufei was tempted, though. "Grow out of it? You're talking about Mariemeya Barton Kushrenada. The only person more stubborn than her is--"

"You?"

The bastard was smirking. Wufei growled. "One of these days I really am going to hurt you."

"If you meant it, you'd challenge me to meet at the gym for a spar."

Wufei gave him a teeth-baring grin. "Good idea. When are you free?"

Heero seemed more amused by the second. Wufei was starting to look forward to an occasion to slam him down into the tatami.

"So it's not simply that you've never considered her, but that you're actively against it?"

And now he looked _thoughtful_. Wufei wondered why he had ever thought it a good idea to mention the situation to him. Sure, his insight was invaluable on a lot of Wufei's cases, and they had a common interest in hand-to-hand and guns, and Wufei might even -- god forbid -- enjoy his subtle sense of sarcasm and his strange philosophy of life. But like he needed Yuy to turn that brilliant analyst's mind to such a delicate matter.

"... Yes. I am."

"Did you tell her so?"

Wufei sighed. "Yuy... I like the girl. She trusts me. I have no wish to hurt her feelings by telling her bluntly that the idea of sleeping with her makes my skin crawl."

It was really too bad that neither Wufei nor Mariemeya were Heero Yuy; the guy could take and dish out honest criticism point-blank without flinching. It was a very admirable trait, and one Wufei wished more people shared. Not that Wufei couldn't do blunt with the best, but -- not with Mariemeya. Not about that. He gazed at the table without really seeing it, thinking back to her confession. It had to have taken a lot of guts, and with some distance, he was almost proud of her for being so brave and tenacious... Almost being the key word. Damn it.

"Why does it?"

"What does what?"

"Make your skin crawl. Why?" Heero picked up his cup of coffee and raised it to his lips, his eyes still fixed on Wufei.

"I met her when she was _eight_," Wufei snapped.

"She's not eight anymore."

Well -- of course she wasn't! It didn't mean Wufei didn't remember her being eight. "Do you _want_ me to molest her, Yuy?"

Heero snorted. "From what you tell me, she would be the one to molest you." He shrugged off Wufei's frustrated glare. "I'm just curious."

Wufei sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring away from the table. He couldn't meet Heero's frank stare and just be objective and cold about the situation. "... She's -- it's not ethical."

"Hm?"

Wufei set his cup down and nudged it around by the handle, watching the cold tea slosh around inside. "Our relationship -- we are not equals there. The relationship is closer to mentor-student. It wouldn't be right."

"Ah."

Wufei sighed again -- he was doing it a lot, it seemed -- and admitted, more quietly. "I killed her father. There is a debt there. There always will be. Telling her of him... That can never compare. I must strive to compensate for her loss anyway -- in part by being the older male figure a child needs in her life."

Heero's voice was just as quiet when he answered, "She never knew him."

"Because I killed him before she could!"

Heero didn't flinch in the face of his anger, but then he never did; his voice stayed perfectly steady. "Then it's more about your feelings toward Treize than your feelings toward Mariemeya."

Wufei stared at Heero, dumbstruck. "...My -- _what_ toward Treize?"

Heero arched an eyebrow. "Guilt is a feeling, isn't it?"

--Oh. Of course. What had he thought Heero meant? It was a good thing Wufei's skin didn't show his blushes much. He lifted his cup of tea to his lips, and grimaced when the cold liquid hit his tongue. That was what he got for getting distracted by the conversation.

"If I tell her that, she might believe that our whole relationship is nothing more to me than trying to assuage my guilt, though." And it wasn't -- he wouldn't give away their long political talks or the triumphant smiles she gave him when managing a new kata without stumbling for anything -- but it wasn't romantic, would never be romantic, and felt, in fact, slightly incestuous to him.

But if he told her that, she'd probably retort that he was an only child, so what did he know about incest. And he really, really wanted to turn around and check whether anyone was listening in on the conversation, but surely Yuy would signal him if that happened. Bastard and his back to the wall.

"So you have good reasons why, but explaining them to her would hurt her feelings." Heero leaned back and crossed his arms, contemplative.

"Yes." Wufei massaged the bridge of his nose. "She's a smart girl, but you know how difficult and contrary she can get. I can't possibly find a way to explain that she cannot take as a personal slight, if she puts her mind to it."

"So you need to give her a reason that has nothing to do with her at all. Hm. You haven't gone out with anyone since the war, have you? Is there a reason why?"

Wufei rolled his eyes. "Are you channeling Sally? I'm busy, Yuy, busy and in no mood to make time for inane chattering with people I don't connect with."

"Hm." Heero frowned thoughtfully. "Don't take it badly, but -- this has nothing to do with your wife at all? She would probably accept that."

"... Hah." Wufei couldn't help a small, rueful smile. "Only insofar as it's rare to find people with Meiran's fire and her sense of justice."

"Of which Mariemeya is one," Yuy commented pseudo-innocently.

Wufei's eyes narrowed. "That's it. Meet me tomorrow evening at seven at the gym."

Heero smirked at him; Wufei gave him a threatening glare, that he couldn't keep up. Heero really was annoying when he put his mind to it, but he had to admit, he was glad to have him around. ...Sometimes. Somewhat. Bastard.

"So you have no objection to dating other people."

Apart from his own high standards, no, not really. "I can't tell her she doesn't meet my requirements."

"But you could tell her you're already dating someone else."

Heero looked so matter-of-fact; Wufei almost forgot to be offended. "Are you suggesting I lie to her?"

Heero paused, tilted his head as if he were considering it. Wufei watched him, eyes narrowed, just waiting for him to dare agree. And then Heero shrugged, leaned forward, and pressed his lips against Wufei's.

"Now it's not a lie anymore."

Heero picked up his cup of coffee and emptied it, then got up and picked up his backpack.

"See you tomorrow at the gym. I'll bring back the case files."

Wufei sat stunned on his chair for a few seconds, before he thought to turn around and stare. Yuy was making his way through the café's crowd, calm, confident, and like he wasn't even thinking of checking behind him to see if Wufei was watching. Cocky bastard.

...Well, damn. Wufei supposed he _had_ asked him out first, in a way.

At least next time he wouldn't have to sit with his back to the room.


End file.
